I Will Praise You In This Storm

So tomorrow is a big day in the Chambers' household, it's my first day back on the job. I can honestly say that I've been dreading this day for over 9 months. It was going to be the day when I was going to drop Tyler off for his first day of daycare. In the back on my mind I was wondering if I would cry and then call at every second that I could. Instead I'm going back to work on my own, I've already had to say goodbye to Tyler.

I guess I'm mostly dreading the questions. The what ifs and what happened and will it happen again. Both Ryan and I are super blessed with a supportive family and friends but work is a whole new ballgame for me. For the past three months, I haven't really gone anywhere with Ryan and I've mostly stayed at home. It's much easier to deal with things at home. I do know that I have to go back to work and deal with things. I'm just trusting in the Lord that He will give me the strength that I need to accomplish what I need to do at work.

The other thing that is sort of depressing me is the fact that Ryan's new work schedule has him working mostly nights and weekends. It's going to be like we are ships passing in the night. I know that this is the first job that Ryan has thoroughly enjoyed and it seems like this will be a great start for him. I just keep praying that God will open some doors for him at his new job, and that he will finally find a position that will be more steady and will let us set down some roots as a family.

I do know that it's hard being this far away from Tyler. We haven't gone to visit his grave for awhile and I've been relying on my mom to visit him often. We just got him a pinwheel for his grave and the time before that we got him some solar powered lights. Now he has night lights. It makes me feel good to decorate his new space.

So tomorrow I'm asking for prayers. Prayers for strength and peace and for most importantly guidance. That I will know what to say when people ask me the hard questions and for the hardest things when people ignore me altogether.


I am wearing my necklace tomorrow, so I can carry a piece of Tyler near my heart. It has his footprints engraved on the front along with his name and birthstone. On the back it says 10/06/2009 Always in my <3. It's beautiful!!

It's been a very stormy ride here lately for our family but it has brought us so much closer and it also brought us a beautiful son who we will always have with us.